A little something something....

Today I have been thinking a lot about the upcoming summer. It usually goes so quickly, which I think this year will be a blessing. With DH deployed, it will get us closer to the window to his return. I was with my sister and my three nieces this week and the girls were asking about my husband. They are all under the age of six, so the questions are things like “does he ride camels?” and “Is he fighting bad guys?” which in all their innocence makes me smile. If only things were that simple.

Next week I’m going for my surgeries. It’s been a little emotional this week I think just leading up to that. I’ve had my mom drive me to surgeries before, but this one is different with DH half way around the world. I’ll miss him by my bedside taking care of me. He does make the best chicken soup! He had grown this moustache while he has been overseas. When we skyped yesterday I was so glad to see his handsome face – no moustache! It’s the little things that get you through! We hit the 6 month mark since he officially deployed. It’s kind of skewed since he was in the country for training for a bit. But it’s definitely been an adjustment.

My mind has been wandering to reintegration. Not only him coming home to me and readjusting to that, but also the fact that our home sold right after he left. So he isn’t even coming home to the place that he left. I’m in a small apartment waiting for him so once we have a little time to settle back into life, we can look for a new house to buy together. I wonder not only what kind of emotional bundle will be coming back to me, but what kind of emotional bundle he is coming home to! I’m sure I have changed a lot in this period as well. I definitely feel like our relationship has been through the pasta mill. It’s been the pasta dough that was watered and floured and pounded before finally run through the pasta mill. Now we are a pile of noodles waiting to be turned into something! Who knows what. Hopefully it’s a delicious thing!

Yesterday I had somewhat of a small breakthrough of sorts. I haven’t been able to get myself to go to the gym. DH and I went in the mornings together before work, and it’s been very hard for me to even face the idea of going since he has been deployed. It’s been the last big mental block in my life. I know – come on girl – get over it! So I talked my cousin into going with me. I knew if I could just get through the doors, I would be good. So yesterday, it happened! Today my arms are so sore. But it feels good. As I did certain weights and such I found myself watching for DH to come around the corner. Our normal routine. I can’t wait for him to be back. I really miss him everywhere in life!

So not much of an update here. But just a little catching up things are good post. I will have more next week after the surgery and I will let you know how that all goes!

Dredging Through

So March is almost over, that will mark the first month down. It's been really rough since DH went overseas. We have gotten to e-mail pretty regularly, and we use Google Chat (instant message) a few times a week. We have gotten to talk on the phone twice since he's been over there, so it's in some ways not as bad as I thought. In other ways it is harder.

It's taken me a while to kind of get in touch with the fact that I feel like those scenes in the movies when one main point freezes, and everything else is spinning and whirling all around. I feel frozen and time is still passing. Life goes on, but I'm frozen in place! It's a weird feeling. This is the temporary normal. I'm so thankful it's temporary!

Lets change gears before I get too emotional....I booked my three surgeries. They are all going to be in one shot - the endo removal, the selective HSG and the ovarian wedge. They will be in May (hopefully). It's at least things I can do to get myself ready for DH return. It's so weird to think I will be 35 by the time we are able to try again for a baby. That means I'll be near 36 if we are successful right away. Where did the years go?

So I've been working like crazy on this tricky tray for DH motorcycle club. I really want it to be a success for multiple reasons, but mostly because he isn't here. I want to represent him well and have it be a successful event for him and the club. They are so generous and they donate 100% of their proceeds to the cause each year that they support.

I felt like I had a lot to blog about. My brain is so full carrying around this deployment. I'll try to focus more next time and come up with some more to blog about, I know there is more in there!

Explosion of emotion!

Today I popped into a local eatery for lunch. I ordered a sandwich that I was very excited to enjoy. I haven't been sleeping well this week - but I made it through the week (almost)! My emotions are ready to bubble out at ANY time.

I have read a LOT of blogs and articles about deployments and what to expect. One of the great ones that stands out in my head is this one - Why I wish Your Husband Would Deploy. Today I had a first experience - it was with the waitress of the lunch place. When I mentioned in conversation that my DH was deployed, she said "I wish my husband would leave for a year." This comment may seem innocent from the civilian side of things, but I burst into tears. I would give ANYTHING to have him back at my side.

It took me a minute to pull myself together, but things flash through my head. I'd love to be able to boss him around to take out the trash, I want to feel his body heat in bed to warm my cold toes. I want him to help me put my jacket on, kiss my forehead, open my car door for me, fight with him about stupid little things, listen to him laugh on the phone with his friends, talk to him about whether or not we should buy a raffle ticket for some random prize, eat the crust on his pizza, put my arms around his body and hug him and to be able to kiss his soft loving lips. I would give anything to be close to him again.

Re-reading that paragraph, it's the little things. Don't get me wrong though! There are times that I just want DH to be quiet and stop arguing with me, or times I just want space for a few hours from him. Overall though, I miss him and I want him home! I have reached out to a lot of the wives I know through his different commands of days past. I am very lucky that he set me up with a network of people I can talk to about this whole situation. It's always funny when the guys give their opinions also! If I listened to the men, it would be all naked pictures lining his care packages! That's not happening - absolutely not.

So this week I also called my Doctor to get in for the NaPro surgeries. They are contacting the insurance company and they will get back to me to schedule. The things I have read online regarding the Ovarian Wedge surgery say that people have the highest success rate in the first 6 months after the surgery. So maybe before the summer I will go, and then DH return should fall in that 6 month window somewhere! I hope....

Weightlifting Life

I feel like I have just about a 500lb boulder on my back! Life right now if VERY HEAVY!!

St. Anne pray for me! I don't know that St. Anne is the patron saint of STRESSED OUT, but I love her and she has been so good to me.

So I have been absent from this blog - not sure at this point if anyone is reading it though. I think it's more of a help to me to just get my thoughts on track. Plus a lot has happened over the last few weeks.

I'm back in SoCal for my last trip to see my DH before he deploys. If that wasn't enough stress, I met with the surgeon last week, and he wants me to go for a trifecta - three procedures in one! One would be just a scouting mission to make sure everything is good with my uterus. Then one would be an endometriosis removal surgery with the final one being an ovarian wedge. AHHH!!!

I'm not even sure where to start, so let's just jump in with what I'm most nervous about - the ovarian wedge. So when I met with my NaPro surgeon my husband was able to video chat with us during the consult. What an unexpected blessing! I had a hard time concentrating on what the Doctor was saying due to the images he was showing. I realized I have a weak stomach when it comes to surgical images.

Luckily for me, WebMD had this link. Basically my body should be able to ovulate on it's own after this surgery. We will have roughly 8 months before DH returns, so that gives me plenty of time to have the surgery and heal.

Since I'm out in SoCal with him, I arrived on P+1. Having met with the surgeon before I came out here, I know I had a nice follicle that was ready to burst the day before I came out to SoCal. Fingers crossed! I will be able to take a HPT before he goes, so we will atleast know where we stand. If I end up staring a new cycle, we already decided I would go forward with the endo and wedge surgery. There is some other irons in the fire, but I'm not really ready to talk about that yet! That will have to come in the next blog. Exciting hook - right?