Scatterbrained

So that mostly describes my day to day dealings with just about anything! It's been three weeks since I got to physically hug my DH. I kind of feel like I have to constantly drag this 200lb brick everywhere I go. I'm always tired and nothing is fulfilling. I've tried shopping, and spending time with family and friends. I'm missing a piece of me and my heart! The separate just sucks.

Moving on though - because dwelling on the negative is never a good thing! I saw my fertility doctor...let me tell you a little about that! Being Catholic, it is important to both DH and myself that we follow the "old fashioned" seeming rules of the church when it comes to babies. Infertility is unfortunately common within my family, so I followed the lead of some of the ladies who had successful pregnancies (within the confines of the church rules - yay!) following The Creighton Model. So basically I chart on a daily basis and keep an eye on when fertile and non-fertile days are. They have discovered over the past 15 months we have been trying to conceive that I do in fact have endometriosis,  PCOS, insulin resistance and of course could stand to lose a few pounds. The problem is when this mix all gets together, it makes is VERY hard to lose weight.

Sidetrack to the weight thing for a minute. I have tried everything, and I mean EVERYTHING! Doctor moderated diets, low car, no carb, low fat, no fat, no sugar, no caffeine, low glycemic index, you name it, I tried it. I even had the lap band and was the only stalemate they had experienced. I lost ZERO weight! So I went forward and had gastric bypass where I lost 30lbs and stalled out. Since then, keeping to a strict 80/20 eating philosophy (good 80% of the time, cheat a little) I have managed to watch my weight begin creep back up little by little. This is despite the 4-5x a week I am at the gym working out. I cardio, I weight train, I use free weights, body weight, machines, elliptical, I feel like I could be a spokeswomen for how to make the gym more fun - is it really too much to ask for a separate weight area for women? Anyway......that's my weight story....back to the feature focus - fertility.

So while my husband is away, I plan to work on myself and what I have control over. I have an appointment already scheduled for the surgeon regarding the endometriosis. Who knows what will happen there but I hear amazing things about this doctor. He is a Creighton Model doctor, and is supposed to be very gentle and welcoming to deal with. That's one of the things I like about all the doctors I have met through this Creighton Model journey (I should do a post on that, right?). All the doctors, practitioners, nurses, etc that I have met have been wonderful.

Along the fertility lines, I have also decided to try adding acupuncture back onto the list. I did it briefly in October, when we actually conceived and then lost the baby at only a few weeks. I don't know if that was the reason, but I figure it atleast gives me one hour in a dark room to nap! The best kind of stress reduction ever :-)