You'll be relieved to hear (or I'm relieved to be typing) that this message is being typed to you from the skies courtesy of United Airlines. The weather forecast in NJ was calling for 2 feet of snow! Holy moly! So instead of staying to face it, I decided I would up and book a last minute ticket to see DH. Now this is going be to be a total surprise to him...So don't tell him!
I feel like I'm heading to a first date. I'm so nervous that he won't like the surprise. He's not big on being surprised. I managed to pull off a surprise birthday party for him last year. He was so surprised I was able to keep the secret. He enjoyed that party, but this is different. His head isn't in being married mode. It's in prepping for mobilization mode. So it's not that he wouldn't love to see me I'm sure, it's more his head is in the game. I might just be a distraction.
As I enjoyed a glass of wine before the flight I was chatting with the lovely woman next to me. She was traveling for work and was excited to be getting out of town with the pending doom....I mean snow. When she asked why I was traveling I told her it was to see DH before he deployed. She started telling me of everyone in her family who has served or was married to someone who was/has served. She said to me when I told her the outrageous last minute price I paid for this ticket, "the things we do for love.." And it got the wheels turning.
My outlook on love has absolutely evolved over the last 3 years. Growing up in the family I did, we always had implied love. Not expressed love. We didn't really ever say I love you, we more just knew everyone loved everyone else from the way we treated each other. Now I'm married to a Puerto Rican and boy when it comes to love, he knows how to show, tell, express, and layer it on. It's one of the things that drew me to him. This unexplainable openness with emotion that he has. I feel so lucky to have a husband who is willing to share that side of himself with me. It has got me opening up more. Every once in a while I'll sneak in an "I love you" to my Mom, or Dad or siblings or cousins. It's crazy how one change can have a ripple effect on your norm.
Then I started thinking. I wonder if the emotionally bound Katie would handle this deployment differently. Would I have been as weepy as I am? Would I be breaking out into tears at work as much as I do? I'd like to think that I would, but being through everything I've been through in the last 3 years has brought me to who I am today. And I never thought openly emotional would be who I am. Yes, i am welled up with tears right now on the plane. Haha I'm like the grinch in the way that my heart has begun to grow at a rate I couldn't imagine. My emotional heart is about the size of Noah's ark right now. I feel all emotions on a new level. Especially love!
Coming back to my initial thought in this post I feel overwhelming thanks. Being a military spouse is a defining role and it is only enhanced by support of others. So thank you, whoever you are who is reading this. Thanks for being you. Thank you to spouses and military support systems. Thank you to all hopeful mothers like myself. Thank you to everyone who has shared their blogs for me to read silently for months. Thank you to my DH for serving our country and for loving me as much as you do.
Disclaimer: this was typed on an iPad. Sorry for any spelling errors!
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