Unintentional sting

So, I'm back from the left coast. Kinda depressing being back in the snow covered NJ. The winter is such a low time for everything, but the low temperatures are the worst. To add insult to injury, after leaving sunny California I landed back in NJ and had to de-ice, de-snow and somehow break through the massive encrustation of muck to get into my car. I managed to cut my hand on the ice - ouch!

My husband was VERY happy to see me! Hooray! We even got to spend one whole day together! A day off has been rare for him. Sunday was his first day off in three weeks! We went to mass, breakfast, a beautiful hike in Torrey Pines...it was an absolutely perfect day....

I managed to make it home with no problems. I grabbed some soup out of the freezer and stuck it in the microwave while I quickly unpacked some of my stuff - comprising of several bottles of medication. Progesterone, glumetza, and letrozole (just in case I got stuck in CA longer than planned!) It's funny how things like medication start to make you feel defined, or forced into some crazy hole. I had to have my progesterone called into a pharmacy in CA. When the pharmacist asked if I was on any other medication so she could make sure there wouldn't be any conflict, I told her glumetza.....she then proceeded to talk to me for 5 minutes about how diabetes can be handled with diet and exercise. Thanks, lady......I already have a no carb diet and I work out 5 days a week....my A1C also is in fine shape - so thanks......I'm not diabetic. I'm trying to make a baby, yo!

Once I finally made it to the couch, I saw I had an e-mail from my NaPro Doctor....I had gone for blood work while I was in California since my flight was delayed...twice! I called the office and they sent me over a script for the blood work, and off I charged with two different scrips in hand. Coincidentally I have my endo this week also, so it lined up to have that, plus my P+7 bloodwork done (I should do a post on what the lingo I've learned so far actually means when it comes to NaPro and Creighton Model)

Anyway, I opened the e-mail from my Doc, and it said "labs negative for pregnancy - see attached"...I didn't even realize HCG was on the lab slip e-mailed to me, but it was. I didn't even think I was pregnant....I wasn't even with my husband to try during the fertile window. But it stung reading those words. In my head it was coming across as "FAILURE FOR PREGNANCY!" which I know is completely unreasonable. It may have been just because I was exhausted from a day of travel and running through the airport to catch a connection home, but my heart hurt getting that e-mail.

I guess this is kind of par for the course when it comes to IF....we want so badly to be parents. Under normal circumstances, I'm stalking my chart and just waiting for the first day I can take a home pregnancy test (HPT) just to get a negative. This time, it wasn't even on my radar since my DH and I haven't even been together since New Years! It kind of stung....I don't know that it will ever be OK hearing that I'm not pregnant....but this time was weird, because we weren't even available to try!